Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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