Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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