Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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