Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
