I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
