you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
