I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
