I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
