I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize