There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
