so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
