i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
