the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
