If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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