is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh god it's open bar.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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