i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
