Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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