the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
