i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You ruined the universe
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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