So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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