Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
