i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
