do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
