Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
