It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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