I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You are the jesus of drinking
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
