Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
