alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
