If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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