Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
