You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
