Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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