mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
