dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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