i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
