she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
