OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
