shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
