Non-Jews are for practice
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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