my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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