I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
