i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
