Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
