I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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