I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
