All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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