I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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