you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize