Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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