dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
