i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there is puke in my bra ... again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
