Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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