yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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