is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
