I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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