She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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