I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
