I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
