1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
