Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
