I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
