If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
