girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dicks are not precious.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
