Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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