I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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