Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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