everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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