Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
