What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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