"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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