Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
