Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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